Bob's Backyard

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible
out of the dealership.   Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind  blowing through what little hair he had left.
Amazing,’ he thought as he flew  down I-45, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking  in his rear view mirror, he  saw a state trooper behind him, lights
flashing and siren blaring.  He  floored it to 100 mph, then 110,then 120.

Suddenly he thought, ‘What am I  doing? I’m too old for this,’ and pulled over
to await the trooper’s  arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper  walked up to the Corvette, looked
at his watch and said, ‘Sir, my shift ends  in 30 minutes. Today is
Friday. If you can give me a reason for  speeding that I’ve never heard before,
I’ll let you go.’

The old gentleman paused. Then said, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a
State Trooper.  I thought you were bringing her back.’

‘Have a good day, sir,’ replied the  trooper…

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere , parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes thru the swingin’ doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER : $2.00

HAMBURGER : $2.25

CHEESEBURGER : $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB : $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker  walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender
serving drinks  to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers..

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

‘Yes?’ she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, ‘may I help you?’

The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, Yes, I sure am”.

The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger.”

Saudi Arabia held its first beauty pageant over the weekend and already they’re embroiled in their own scandal.

Topless photos of Miss Saudi Arabia have surfaced …

You can see her entire forehead.

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held
The party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,
Oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10 foot
man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who
has
the nerve to jump in.’

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.
Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing
it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke
holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like
some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the
Gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a
dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring
At him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, ‘Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million
dollars.’

No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,’ said Leroy.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something. You won the
bet. How about half a million bucks then?’

No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered Leroy.

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something.. That was
amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock
options?’

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well, Leroy, then what do you want?’

Leroy said, ‘I want the name of the Sumbitch who pushed me in the
pool!